Metathesiophobia

The fear of failing is great, but the fear of succeeding is paralysing.

Even if you don't want a situation to go wrong on purpose, when you sabotage yourself you do it because you don't know what you'll do if the thing you long for and dream about actually works.

Your whole life will change if it works, and you know it — a completely new universe, situations you've never handled before, and that is terrifying. If it works, a cycle ends: an addictive cycle of defeats that you learned to handle over time, learned to digest, learned to survive. And with one yes that cycle starts over; it's like moving to a new city after landing a good job offer. Can you take in every possibility of a scenario like that?

If everything works out, the only cycle you've learned to handle so far — the one where you fall and get up over and over — is dead. Nothing you've lived through has prepared you for this, because for the first time things work, for the first time your effort is recognised, you are recognised. And then you realise you never once thought about what would happen after reaching your goal. What comes after success? And because you don't know the answer, you retreat. And you sabotage yourself, and you don't believe in your own potential to live a full life, so when you get the chance to really make it work, you lose it, you ruin it.

As long as you fear succeeding, you will stay paralysed.

Gabriela Oyara